Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We are all done wearing pants today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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