I accidentally had phone sex last night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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