Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize