you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
