So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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