im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
