she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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