my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
