drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
