hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
