Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
