The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
