I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we're so committed to being not committed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
