Girls should come with a carfax report
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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