Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize