just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My vagina is very pro this idea
You ruined the universe
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
