My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
