After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
