Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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