I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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