This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
