There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
