I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
