He felt like a one man threesome
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
