Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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