Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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