I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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