before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize