guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
