Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
