$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
