sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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