is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
