I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
