i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
