I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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