There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
