smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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