i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i will never coherently bang her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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