He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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