big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
