i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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