This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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