im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
