At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
