you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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