just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
