I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
