Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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