omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
