The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize