Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
