I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
