You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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