im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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