i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
