When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize