I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
