she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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