ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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