have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
