If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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