Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
