turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize