you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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